photo from here

Words of appreciation I’d like to say to everyone

First off — thanks for reading this.

I got my first payment update from Medium today: a whopping $0.55. I’m grateful for every cent of it — it means that someone’s clicked and found my post meaningful, that in this vast online world, my voice was heard among the chatter.

That aside, I want to thank a few individuals. And by a few, I mean a lot. So here goes nothing.

Thank you for…

• raising me to be who I am today. I’m honored to know the meaning of unconditional love, to live with your help and guidance.
• sacrificing so much to support our flawed yet functional family.
• being the best sibling a girl could ask for — for sticking by my side through the good times and the bad, for one of the most fulfilling friendships I’ve ever had.
• being my friend since kindergarten. Seeing you fills my heart with joy, and I know we’ve changed a lot and been through so many different experiences… and yet our friendship is one of the few constants in an ever-changing life.
• offering sage advice, being patient with me, and supporting me since high school. I remember when I used to sit near you in orchestra, slightly afraid to get to know you better because I didn’t know how to approach you. But I’m so glad I did because I treasure our friendship so, so much. Thanks for being the mom friend and taking pics with your creeper-cam to document all the shenanigans we’re up to.
• being my stats/Tumblr wifey. For reaching out to me and noticing the warning signs, for checking up on me and hosting baking parties and playing Smash together and laughing through Pitch Perfect and so much more throughout the years.
• your sass and cheeriness. It never fails to put a smile on my face — through Ultimate Frisbee, orchestra, and all the good times. For crying with me when we watched Coco for the first time. For your companionship — every time I come back from hanging out with you, my heart feels so full.
• being a fellow writer and book-lover with one of the best senses of humor I know. For all our old baking adventures and movie-watching hangouts. For being one of the people who I know I can turn to for a substantial, deep conversation, even as you’re across the country, trying to make it in the movie industry.
• being my bestie throughout high school, through the highs and lows. Our friendship means more than you could imagine. I know you’ll never read this, but I hope you know that I’m thinking of you.
• being one of the best neighbors-across-the-street and buds since middle school, for filling my life with laughter and cheer. For hosting me in LA and taking me to the best shrimp place I’ve ever been and for driving me to San Diego, to explore different museums and coffeeshops. For long walks and heart-to-hearts and so much more. For keeping up with me on social media even today — know that I value our friendship more than you may know.
• bringing so much fun and laughter to my life. From singing the Egg Song to “I want a hippopotamus for Christmas,” for going through cringey Fruits Basket loving phases, for your quirkiness and humor even after we went to college — you’re one of the friends I’ve come to appreciate most, by simply being who you are.
• being you — the amazing writer and artist that you are. Your elegance and goofiness (or should we say hilariousness) amazes me to no end, and I’m honored to have called you my friend.
• hanging out with me throughout the years, just to catch up on all your adventures in Stanford and whatnot. For being one of the most avid fans of the novel I never finished writing.
• being my health class buddy and editor throughout middle school. For your amazing sense of humor, for bringing so much joy to my life. For introducing me to Battle of the Books and going to the state competition with me.
• playing Maple Story with me in middle school and other video games; for encouraging me to go to awkward school dances and making our own rice krispie treats and letting me play with your cat, Sacy.
• being so strong and sharing stories over pizza. For telling me about your dream to be a neurosurgeon, for the confidence that radiates from you in your pics. I admire you so much.
• comforting me after my first heartbreak, for your words of wisdom and company. You’re one of the best neighbors I could ask for, and I know you’re destined for great things.
• introducing me to frisbee, a continued source of joy in my life. For supporting me through some of the hardest times in my life and our shared love of John Green.
• deep conversations late into the night about love and religion. For coming to my graduation. For long walks and convos over pizza.
• helping me through AP Physics and offering a listening ear. For showing me kindness during a time when I was going through a lot family-wise.
• being my best bud throughout AIDSummer. I hope you’ve been well! You were the source of so much of the happiness I remember thinking back to that time.
• that long phone call when you reached out to me to catch up on our lives since the summer we spent in Taiwan together. For showing the world your amazing experiments in the kitchen and talking about so much more.
• introducing me to rock-climbing! I still remember the times you’d draw on my arm and poke me awake as I fell asleep during AP Psych tests. I’ve always enjoyed your company and admired your art.
• going to Animazement together, talking about art things, and coffee chats.
• all our heart-to-hearts and take-out dinners on your dorm room floor. For watching the Daily Show together on your bed and talking about how much life and people sucked. For those times back in freshman year when you’d invite me to Brown and treat me to Haitian food and talk about everything under the sun. You are my Floridian sunshine.
• the times you held me as I sobbed, homesick and overwhelmed by schoolwork. For being a fellow Marvel lover and for being one of the most empathetic people I’ve come to know today. For being there for me when I felt like no one else was — thank you.
• being you. For being someone so confident and upbeat — I really admire you, even to this day.
• your mentorship and friendship over the years. I feel as though our friendship is one that’ll last the years. For teaching me more about Christianity and trying to help me answer the hard questions in life.
• laughing and sharing all your stories from teaching first graders. For Rose’s ice cream sandwiches and M Kokko and other Durham eatery adventures, for all the times I’ve confided in you and all the heart to hearts we had. I smile to think back on those days, when you’d go off on your escapades around the country and come back with more photos and stories to share.
• being one of the most sincere friends I have. I’m honored to know you. I’m honored that you confide in me about things that happened in the past, that you didn’t feel comfortable telling others. For going to random eateries in Durham and trying out new desserts and everything. I appreciate you so much.
• helping me through my classes and being a constant source of support. I look up to you a lot — for being so down-to-earth and smiley. Grabbing meals with you always makes me feel so much happier afterwards.
• showing me the world that is K-Pop and watching animes and movies with me. For your company throughout finals week and throughout the entire school year.
• being real. For dropping pretenses and telling it like it is. That’s so rare.
• being melodramatic with me. For our continued friendship throughout the years, for being one of the people I admire to this day. For our shared love of Tumblr and dumb videos and memes.
• your empathy and your sentimental sad sackness — despite all the times you push people away playfully, I know you still care. For driving me to the hospital when I sprained my ankle. For visiting me when I was in the hospital and making me laugh.
• showing me that you still think of me, for getting me this new matcha to try out! For supporting me during one of my darkest times and being the silly, stylish friend you are.
• deep conversations at your apartment, drinking wine and eating cheese, struggling through the semester yet somehow making it through in one piece. The companionship you’ve given me makes me hope that our friendship will last the ages. To this day, I think back to the conversations we’ve had, through the random hilarious things we’ve found on the internet, through all the times we’ve cracked up. For sharing a love of New Girl and helping me through existential crises, as we tried to piece together what it meant to be happy and thriving in a world that’s too often cruel to us.
• being one of my closest friends at Duke — sharing thoughts about the flawed housing system, relationships, and all the other things that make life what it is. For our dinner tonight, which left my belly and my heart feeling full. :)
• spending summer together, from Jordan Lake beach babes to baking buddies. For being an inspiring artist and a supportive friend. For being sketch and silly with me and gossiping about nothing in particular.
• being a lovely friend. For supporting me and reaching out when you saw the warning signs. For bringing me food when I was too depressed to leave the room, for talking to me about your life, and for watching random movies with me.
• reaching out to me when I was feeling down. For deep conversations in the weight room, for teaching me how to do new things and being kind and understanding. I really appreciate our friendship.
• being my tennis buddy! For random trips to French cafes and bubble tea places and (soon?!) DC. For your kind words when I was down, for being someone I know I can count on.
• hosting me in Chicago. I had a fantastic time. I appreciate you for your empathy and thoughtfulness, for being someone I could talk to when I was upset. For being smiley and one of the best singers I’ve had the honor of knowing.
• boy talk and staying over at my place as I showed you as much as I could of Cary. For countless meals and matching pink dresses and heart to hearts.
• fun times at Target and all the meals we had together. For your humor and cheeriness, for your friendship throughout the years. For being supportive and offering a listening ear when I’m struggling. For reaching out to me recently and telling me that my writing helped make your crappy day even just a little better.
• showing me the amazingness that is slam poetry. For being one of the best writers I know, for hosting me in Beijing, and for being awesome. I admire you so much!
• being a great friend. Nasher brunch was fantastic, and I appreciate all the times you’ve supported me throughout the years. For joking around and orchestra together and watching Game of Thrones with me, for thinking of me even when you went off to China and giving me a heartwarming Baymax bobble head.
• being one of my closest guy friends, for supporting me and teaching me so much about culture and politics and everything. For being one of the people I’ve come to admire most, for your sass and snarkiness and amazing music taste.
• recommending that I take Ethics in an Unjust World!! And for your goofiness and warmth.
• your company — I just instinctively trust you so much. For playing Nintendoland and MarioKart and foosball with me and (soon) exploring the art scene together. For the good times we’ve had and the good times I know are yet to come.
• being kind to me when you found me crying in the common room. For sitting with me, listening, and comforting me.
• your goofiness. For being such a sweet and understanding roommate, for your lovable country accent and love for Grey’s Anatomy. I miss you lots!
• being one of the guys I’ve come to admire most — for your ability to get along with practically everyone, for being able to turn up when you need to but also for initiating deep, meaningful conversations. You were the first person I met in APO, and I have so much to thank you for.
• for being my fellow sleeping-in-the-common-room person and for laughing at my dumbness. For supporting me when I cried and for being who you are.
• coming by to visit me in the hospital so much during the spring of last year. For wowing me with your calligraphy skills, your graphic designs, your financial know-how, your writing, your photography, and pretty much everything. For introducing me to Medium in the first place, too!
• being the sassy cake-lover that you are. The things you say bring a grin to my face all the time, and I appreciate your company.
• being one of the people I’ve begun to look up to — for your niceness and amazing piano-playing skills and all-around awesome-person-ness.
• being so silly; your energy and enthusiasm makes me smile. You brighten up whatever room you walk into, and I hope you know how amazing you are.
• reading so many of my posts and commenting on them! I’m so thankful for you.
• telling me you related to the body image post I posted a few weeks back. I appreciate you for taking the time to read it!
• being my U-Jam buddy! For deep conversations and fun times. I look forward to seeing where our friendship goes from here.
• treating me to Marketplace and rock-climbing with me. For talking to me and bringing me joy. For our friendship, for you’re one of the sweetest people I know.
• reaching out to me when we were in the same class. For noticing I was gone and asking after me, and for showing me so much kindness. People like you give me hope. (pun unintended) I know you’ll never see this, but I hope you know how much you mean to me.
• showing up to house dinners! I enjoy your company, and I’m happy to be hallmates with you. Your presence alone is enough to make me smile.
• coming back to Duke and talking with me. I enjoyed our conversation so immensely, you have no idea. For talking with my sibling and offering advice related to environmental engineering. I’m thankful for you.
• being an amazing dean. I don’t think I’ve met anyone in administration quite as compassionate as you are.
• being so flexible. For helping me revise course expectations and ensure that I succeed. For replying to e-mails and displaying such empathy. For recommending actions and books and whatnot for me to take and turn to.
• teaching the most life-changing course at Duke. The care you’ve shown me throughout the years, as well as the words of support you offered to comfort me are ones that I’ve never forgotten. Thank you for being such an influential part of my life.
• teaching me and being my mentor in high school. You inspired me to try and become a teacher myself. And while you told me (jokingly, I hope) that I should stay away from journalism, I’ll still try to make it as a writer.
• being my boyfriend at some point in my life. Each of my exes helped shape me into who I am today, and I have grown so much stronger because of them. I can’t thank them enough for all that they’ve done. I feel honored to have been a part of their lives, as well.
• telling me you shared my writing with others and talk about some of the issues I bring up. Knowing that my writing can spark conversations has filled me with a renewed sense of purpose. Thank you so much for that.
• reaching out to me and offering interview tips and help and support. I’ve never even met you, and yet you’ve been great.
• showing me kindness through merely acknowledging me. Sometimes a simple “Hi” or a smile is enough to make my day significantly better.

And to anyone I forgot because I’m a dumb who forgets everything:

Thank you. Thank you for being a part of my life. Thank you for teaching me lessons I could never have learned alone.

I appreciate you.