Update
Writing used to come as naturally as breathing. I sought solace in an empty page and populated it with thoughts, feelings, ideas without a moment’s hesitation.
Lately, though, I’ve been feeling pretty low and stuck writing-wise. It’s largely a function of how much free time I have on my hands nowadays. Too much time alone and spent in your head is really not conducive to living a better quality of life, at least not for someone who’s as extroverted as I am.
Last Tuesday or Wednesday, I was suicidal again. My plan was to overdose on my current medication. But I asked my dad to hide my medication from me so I wouldn’t do something stupid when I was on my own.
This post isn’t supposed to be a cry for help. It’s supposed to be an update on where I’ve been lately. And unfortunately, it’s not a good place at all.
Most days I swim in a sea of self-doubt and wonder if I’ll ever amount to anything. I’ve tried going on the job hunt again, only to run into dead ends.
I’ve tried going on dates again. One guy I never heard back from after the first date. Another guy said he wasn’t over his ex yet and didn’t think he was ready to date again after two dates. I have a first date today with someone who seems very attentive and emotionally responsive, but it’s definitely still too soon to say if it’ll amount to a relationship.
I’ve also downloaded Bumble BFF to try and make new friends in the area. Had more luck with one girl, but the others haven’t responded as much.
Making friends after college seems difficult so far, but I’m hoping I’ll be able to forge new connections over the next few weeks.
Guess we’ll just have to wait and see how things go.
