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It’s a quiet spring afternoon at the library.
All is quiet save the occasional sneeze or sniffle from students suffering from severe pollen allergies.
It’s seventy degrees and sunny outside.
Objectively speaking, today’s not a bad day.
Subjectively speaking, this entire day’s been riddled with anxiety: Anxiety over who I am, who I want to be, and who I’m in the process of becoming.
“Think pre-professionally” is the mantra. “Look for job opportunities. Create transferable skills. Add value to someone else’s life.”
It’s very much an economical way of looking at things. Bareboned. Costs and benefits. Evaluating outcomes. Assigning subjective values to seemingly objective qualifications.
Trim. Push. Try. Fail.
It’s rejection and acceptance season. There’s not really a way to be halfway accepted into a job. You could make it through two or three rounds of interviews and still wind up emptyhanded.
It’s a little alarming how the bells in my head are ringing “Danger” when there’s no danger to be found.
The game here is winning someone else’s approval. Or is it your own approval you’re seeking? It’s hard to say when your self-esteem’s shot.
